Recently, I had the privilege of eating a delicious meal at a nice restaurant with a client. I ate my fill and had quite a bit leftover. I asked for a to-go container and took a deep breath. The waiter cleared the table and offered a selection of hot beverages and a variety of desserts that came with the meal. I was full, but I love key lime pie. So I had a beautiful piece of cake and a cup of tea.
Just before the temptation of the key lime pie, I convinced myself I had eaten enough. But then, miraculously, I found room for the tea and cake. While I was cleaning the crumbs from the plate, I glanced up to see a parent admonishing a six-year-old child. She had enough of his acting out and commenced threatening more severe action. The child pushed the limits and acted out even more. Each time the parent warned that she had had enough and threatened to administer discipline at the next level, but the child acted out more. That scene occurred for a few more minutes until the parent retreated in total defeat. I wondered about the concept of enough given in those two examples
Once I arrived home, I consulted several sources to get a better meaning of the word “enough.” I discovered there are many synonyms of and implications for the name “enough. ” One source had over 30 definitions. But, in nearly all the cases, there were barely three antonyms, and the recurring root word was insufficient.
So, I questioned whether I had enough before having the pie and tea or after them? Did the parent have enough of this little screamer, or did she give up because the outcome was outside of her control? I believe these two examples provide an excellent scaffold for the discussion of when enough is enough. When faced with the decision of enough, there is either sufficient by choice – piece more pie, or enough by force – the kid decided.
Often, we face decisions that push our limits either voluntarily or involuntarily. If we have control over the outcome, and intentionally decide that enough is enough, then we have the option of setting the boundaries of “enough ” and choosing when there is sufficient satisfaction. However, if we are not in control of the potential outcome, then someone else or something else might set the boundaries and limits of “enough,” thereby setting up a scenario of insufficiency.
So, if we think we are in control and believe we have sufficiently met our level of satisfaction, why continue to eat pie? Or, if the situation seems beyond our capacity to resolve, is there a limit to when we might stop attempting to discipline the child? It would appear, then, that the central question is not whether there is a threshold of “enough, “instead, whether we are in control? For example, if after I have had my fill, the server entices me to have dessert, am I in control?
If I accumulated “enough ” wealth to last me ten lifetimes, but vigorously pursue more wealth, am I in control? If I feel disenfranchised in society, oppressed, and despised, which is equivalent to being bullied, and permit this behavior, am I in control, or is the bully in control? So, if we eat our fill but still make room for dessert, or if we let someone else dictate when we have had enough but still tolerate more abuse, then were we uncertain or insincere saying we had enough? Does giving in, whether to a tempting dessert or the pressure from fear and intimidation, make the word “enough” invalid? If the idea of enough is considered valid or truthful, shouldn’t we think its definition to be NOT on some point of saturation or sufficiency, but instead on our level of tolerance or control?
Stan Brooks, PhD